April is Worldwide
Bereaved Spouses
Awareness Month

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This page is for people who would like to help the bereaved. But it can also help the bereaved directly by retrieving and sharing information from this site.

Here is the month description as it appears in annual press releases:
The Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month's purpose is to promote support for bereaved spouses. Often people don't know what to say to or do for grieving spouses. So sometimes, they turn away and do nothing. We encourage people to turn back and begin to reach out to bereaved spouses by giving them someone who will listen to them without advising them; a shoulder to cry on; and a hug when appropriate and needed. Basically, we want to inspire people to "be there" for the bereaved. For current national and international conference information and other helpful material, go to www.BereavementAwareness.com and click on Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month. For assistance, contact Bereavement Awareness Month Coordinators Peter and Deb Kulkkula, 381 Billings Road, Fitchburg, MA 01420-1407, or at Help@BereavementAwareness.com, or at 1-978-343-4009.

Remember to reach out to the bereaved so they won't have to grieve alone!

Interested in helping the bereaved?
If you are interested in helping bereaved parents and their families, you may attend a conference or a support group where you'll will find seminars about helping the bereaved. For more information about this, you can click on
ARTICLES/LINKS. You can go to HELP or we can send you an electronic copy of the "Reaching Out to Help the Bereaved" pamphlet for free or mail you some helpful information including this pamphlet for $5.00. You may email us at Help@BereavementAwareness.com for the electronic copy. Or mail your $5.00 check made out to Rising Star Speakers with your request to Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Coordinators Peter and Deb Kulkkula, 381 Billings Road, Fitchburg, MA 01420-1407.

Bereaved Spouses

Have you ever heard a spouse say something like this - "Let me go before he goes." Anyone who truly loves his spouse, may want to die before her. They have seen the heavy hearts of their grieving relatives and friends and have decided that it is actually easier to die than to grieve.

However, there is "healthy" grieving that allows the bereaved to go through a "healthy" grieving journey. Sure, there are a lot of rough passages that the bereaved barely live through. But eventually, the wind gets gentler and soothing - actually helping the bereaved to begin to live their new life. Compassionate help from friends and family can make this journey much easier.

Weather the marriage has lasted two or fourty-two years, bereaved spouses may feel like half of theirselves are gone. They need to know that they still have family and friends to share their lives with.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote many years ago about the "stages of grieving": denial (shock), bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. It is important to realize that these stages don't have any particular order and that some people may find themselves back in a stage they thought they had already conquered.

Compassionate family and friends can reassure the bereaved that they are just experiencing the craziness of grief. In fact some people in deep grief really think that they are becoming unbalanced. But, we can assure those people that that feeling is a "normal" grief feeling. "Normal" really no longer exsists for the bereaved as they have to find a new "norm". The new "norm" will be different and possibly comforting.

Young Widow - Chapter Two Recover, reclaim, rebuild

Welcome to the YWBB (www.YWBB.org) and www.youngwidow.org, the associated website, are maintained by Young Widow - Chapter Two, a nonprofit organization. Visit the website for more information & resources. Young Widow - Chapter Two is a non-profit organization exclusively dedicated to young widows and widowers.

Young Bereaved Spousal Support Groups

Who are you now? How do you define yourself in your new role as a widow? Not surprisingly, other young widows have similar challenges and obstacles in their lives. That is why we recommend finding support systems as you reclaim your identity.

The sense of community among young widows can be so powerful, and so empowering. Statistically, we are insignificant. According to the U.S. Census Bureau in March 2000, men and women between the ages of 20 and 49 comprise about one million people - less than 7% of widows, and less than 0.005% of the population. That is why it is so difficult - and why we need to work so hard - to find each other. You can find support by searching the Support Groups list for a meeting in your area, or by searching the YWBB directory by location for young widows in your area.

Groups serving the specific needs of young widows will be listed here. Please see the geographical areas listed on www.YoungWidow.org. If you don't see your group listed on this page, please contact us at webmaster@ywbb.org so we can add it for future visitors from your area.

Online Young Bereaved Spousal Support

The YWBB is an online community that exists to help the young widowed to recover, reclaim & rebuild by facilitating the exchange of experiences, information and support.

The YWBB is not an organized support group and has no trained grief or crisis counselors. If you are in need of grief or crisis counseling, you should contact qualified professionals in your area. Likewise, if you need financial, tax or legal advice, you should consult with qualified professionals who can advise you appropriately given where you live.

Othe Helpful Links:

Bereaved Spouses - Grief Support at A continutaion of the When a Spouse or Partner Dies thread.
www.connect.legacy.com/group/bereavedspouses

What to say to a grieving spouse - Grief Grief support groups, grief counseling advice, condolence ... had said so we could learn how to better communicate with a grieving spouse.
www.connect.legacy.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1984035%3A..

Spousal bereavement in the elderly bereaved elderly adapt successfully to their new life situation. ...... groups. The assumption that underlies mutual support bereavement groups is that the person ...
heapro.oxfordjournals.org/content/1/1/35.full.pdf

The Bereaved Elderly: Can We Help bereaved elderly, especially elderly widowers, are at high risk for poor response to bereavement. Death of one's spouse has been rated one of the ..... grief offer help to the bereaved individually or in groups, with or withoutprofessional support. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2327481/pdf/canfam.

https://www.nationalresourcedirectory.gov/family_and_caregiver_support/survivors/coping_with_grief

To find more information online, use keywords such as young widow, elderly bereaved spouse, bereaved spouses, and helping the grieving.

To find a local bereavement support group, contact your local hospital, churches, and elder assistance programs.


Bereved Spouses Current Education Article:

Bereaved spouses need your concern and help.

Please read these points by Jane Adelman, L.C.S.W. before reaching out to them:

Labels
Labels
like Widow and Widower are unwanted by 90% of spouses. They even feel that other people don't like those labels either. Perhaps it is because it reminds everyone that someone just died. In addition, the living spouses who already are feeling alone don't need the widow or widower label to complicate their isolation.

"After the Funeral: Isolation and Loneliness
Time moves at different speeds. After the initial trauma, the flurry of activity surrounding the funeral, the condolence cards, the onrush of calls and visits, a short time goes by and there is often a dramatic and painful cessation. Well-meaning friends, coworkers and even relatives resume their lives. Meanwhile, the bereaved spouse is just beginning to emerge from the shock. Anxiety, anger and depression can
set in. When support or contact is most needed, it is in short supply. This is a pivotal moment for the spouse who is now really beginning to grieve.

Why does this isolation occur? Surely people realize that grief doesn't end after a few weeks or months? In our fast-paced, quick-fix society, we are accustomed to "moving on" or "getting over it." Perhaps we pop a pill. We find distractions to avoid facing pain. We have little tolerance for the slow, painful process that is grief and mourning. True grief and mourning.

Moving Past the Loss
Acceptance. If you are a friend of the bereaved, accept that the loneliness particular to the widow or widower grows more acute with time before it begins to ebb. Even then, it ebbs and flows. Loss is very powerful.

Reach out and offer support. Do not be afraid that to inquire will stir best-forgotten feelings. Those feelings are always there under the surface. Perhaps you will indeed elicit a tear…why is this to be avoided? Most likely you will elicit some relief that you haven't forgotten your friend's loss or sorrow. It will help his/her state of mind and mental health.
You will also lessen the isolation. We are a society prone to congratulate those who are "being strong" or "hanging in there." This tendency can lead a mourner to withdraw, hide or isolate, increasing the anxiety and loneliness. Widows and widowers can feel that insidious push to move on and may feel there is something wrong if they do not act according to society's schedule.

This is potentially tragic.
If you are the bereaved, be patient.
Lack of patience with one's own grieving process can lead to various difficulties, including impulsivity, workaholism, premature remarriage and depression. Certainly some depression is normal, but it is not the same as developing clinical depression. This form of major depression can actually result from the inability to fully traverse the mourning process.

Accept another's well intentioned hand-accept support. The most prominent complaints I hear from bereaved spouses are "no one ever asks" and "no one knows what it's really like." This door swings both ways. Asking the bereaved shows concern and willingness to listen. Listening itself can ameliorate the mourner's feeling that no one understands. Likewise, if an offer is made, try to accept it as much as possible. Sharing feelings with a caring individual can work wonders to ease the loneliness and lift the spirits.


Expand your experience. Some spouses find psychotherapy very beneficial. Working with a single dedicated individual can be comforting and strengthening. For others, especially those who find it hard to reach out, a bereavement support group can be helpful. Because each member has suffered an enormous loss, that common element lifts the isolation, on a feeling level. Members may be at different places in their grieving, but this also shows that people do survive their loss and learn ways to cope with being newly single. Bonds form, loneliness abates and hope is restored."

 

"Thank you for reaching out to the bereaved!"

Need more help?
If you are a bereaved person or
someone wanting to help a bereaved person,
we can help.
For more information,
contact Peter or Deb at 1-978-343-4009,
Help@BereavementAwareness.com.
You can also write to us at Peter and Deb Kulkkula,
381 Billings Road, Fitchburg, MA 01420-1407
.
If we can't help you, we'll connect you with someone who can.

Bereavement Spokesperson Deb Kulkkula
Bereaved Parent
, Inspirational Writer and Speaker and
Bereavement Spokesperson Peter Kulkkula
Bereaved Parent, Bereaved Sibling, American Adventurer

Although we have no bereavement degrees, we have lost two children,
my husband lost his brother, and my sister, mother, and neice lost their husbands.
We worked with and led our local chapter o
The Compassionate Friends (for bereaved parents and their families)
for many years after the organization helped us.

I edited newsletters, wrote articles,
and was the education chair of the 2005 Annual TCF Conference.
We are very grateful to The Compassionate Friends.

At the same time, Deb lead a group of writers.
They first wrote a brochure entitled

"Reaching Out
to Help the Bereaved"
Lovingly Written by
Jane K. Andrews - in loving memory of Peter John Kulkkula,
Bonny Caisse - in loving memory of Jared James Caisse,
Anne M. Dionne - in loving memory of Michael S. Dionne,
Deborah L. Kulkkula -in loving memory of Peter John Kulkkula,
Jane Maki - in loving memory of Christopher L. Maki.
Lovingly Designed and Compiled by
Deborah L. Kulkkula - in loving memory of Peter John Kulkkula.
Lovingly Created Artwork in the hard copy by
Kelly A. Dionne - in loving memory of Michael S. Dionne
We appreciate your loving attention to this brochure.

Then,
co-wrote a book entitled
Every Step of the Way: How four mothers coped with child loss
with Yvonne Lancaster, Anne Dionne, Jane Maki.
Thank you: Yvonne, Anne, and Jane.

We are both dedicated to helping the bereaved.
Since 2008, we have been sponsoring bereavement months
to show the general public how to reach out and help the bereaved,
support the newly bereaved,
and to connect the newly bereaved with a helpful organization.

Site designed by Deb Kulkkula
Donated by Rising Star Speakers and Peter and Deb Kulkkula
In loving memory of Peter John Kulkkula, Quy Dan Ha Vo
,
David Lydon, Harold F. LeBouf, Elma & Ansu Kulkkula
©2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2913 Rising Star Publishing
For more information,contact
Deb Kulkkula, M Ed, M B A, Hon Ph D
381 Billings Road, Fitchburg, MA 01420-1407.
Help@BereavementAwareness.com
or at 1-978-343-4009.