Welcome

Bereaved Parents
Awareness Month

Bereaved Spouses
Awareness Month

Bereaved Siblings
Awareness Month

Reaching Out to
Help the Bereaved

Grief Articles
and Links

Grief Support Help
for the Bereaved

Conferences

Kulkkula and
Rising Star Speakers Helpful Related Links:

Rising Star Speakers

Rising Star Productions

Rising Star Publishing

Heartfelt Greetings

January Rising Star Month *
(promotes personal life plan design)

February Renaissance of the Heart Month *

February Chocolate Lovers Month

March GERD Awareness Month

March Healthcare Professionals
Appreciation Month

April Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month *

May Home Schooling Awareness Month*

May Mother Appreciation Month

June International Adventures Month

June Father Appreciation Month

July Bereaved Parents Awareness Month *

August American Adventures Month *

August Friendship Appreciation Month

September Speak Out Month *
(promotes overcoming
the fear of public speaking)

September is Grandparent Appreciation Month

October Educators Appreciation Month

November Bereaved Siblings Awareness Month *

December is Food Safety Month *

May Week: Brimfield
Antiques and Collectibles Fair *

July Week: Brimfield
Antiques and Collectibles Fair *

August Week: Brimfield
Antiques and Collectibles Fair *

Chases Calendar Inclusion*

Adventurer, Writer, and Speaker
Peter Kulkkula

Inspirational Writer and Speaker
Deb Kulkkula

The Kulkkula Family Site

The Andrews Family Site
(featuring our granddaughter)

The Harold LeBouf Site
(promotes food safety)

Sweet and Savory Food Concession

Shanes Hot Dogs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

July is Worldwide
Bereaved Parents
Awareness Month

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This page is for people who would like to help the bereaved. In fact, the awareness month is also for the people who would like to help the bereaved. But it can also help the bereaved directly by retrieving and sharing information from this site.

Here is the month description as it appears in annual press release:

The Bereaved Parents Awareness Month's purpose is to promote support for bereaved parents. Often people don't know what to say to or do for grieving parents. So sometimes, they turn away and do nothing. We encourage people to turn back and begin to reach out to bereaved parents and their families by giving them someone who will listen to them without advising them; a shoulder to cry on; and a hug when appropriate and needed. Basically, we want to inspire people to "be there" for the bereaved. For current national and international conference information and other helpful material, go to www.BereavedParentsAwarenessMonth.info and click on Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. For assistance, contact Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Coordinators Peter and Deb Kulkkula, 381 Billings Road, Fitchburg, MA 01420-1407, or at Help@BereavementAwareness.com, or at 1-978-343-4009.

Remember to reach out to the bereaved so they won't have to grieve alone!

Interested in helping the bereaved?

If you are interested in helping bereaved parents and their families, you may attend a conference or a support group where you'll will find seminars about helping the bereaved. For more information about this, you can click on ARTICLES/LINKS. You can go to HELP or we can send you an electronic copy of the "Reaching Out to Help the Bereaved" pamphlet for free or mail you some helpful information including this pamphlet for $5.00. You may email us at Help@BereavementAwareness.com for the electronic copy. Or mail your $5.00 check made out to Rising Star Speakers with your request to Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Coordinators Peter and Deb Kulkkula, 381 Billings Road, Fitchburg, MA 01420-1407.

Help from the Compassionate Friends:

The Compassionate Friends is a very helpful organization. It helped us greatly when we were newly bereaved.

To the Newly Bereaved - Please go to http://www.compassionatefriends.org to find help.
From the home page, click on Find Support, then click on A Personal Note, then click on To the Newly Bereaved.

While you are there, be sure to fill out the Memory Book.

If you want to chat online, go to Online Support

If you have ant trouble, call us at 978-343-4009 and we'll walk you through it.

Experiences of Grief

Grief is a normal and natural reaction to the death of a loved one. Most of us are not prepared for the long journey of grief which is sometimes devastating, frightening, and often lonely. We may think, do, and say things that are very unlike us. There seems to be no respite, no end to the intense feelings that we experience.
Grief has been likened to a raw open wound. With great care it eventually will heal but there will always be a scar. Life will never be the same but eventually you will get better.
The experiences of grief have been compared to enduring a fierce storm at sea. The waves are peaked and close together. Eventually the sea becomes calmer but occasionally the storm regroups, strengthening without any warning. For several hours, days, or weeks, you may not feel grief; then suddenly you meet someone, or see something, or hear something, and grief resumes. It seems as if you are taking one step forward and two back.
Grief has its common and its unique sides. Although it is a universal experience, no two people grieve the same, even in the same family. Like a snowflake or a fingerprint, each person’s grief has characteristics all its own.

Disbelief: “It can’t be true." You keep thinking that any minute you will wake up from a nightmare. Sometimes you can’t cry at first because you don’t really believe it happened. Often people will comment on how well you are doing. Inside you know that the reason you appear to be doing so well is that you just don’t believe it.

Shock: Shock is nature’s way of softening the blow. It serves as a cushion - giving you time to absorb the fact of your loss. You hear the words, but do not comprehend the full impact. Emotions seem frozen. You feel disoriented, restless, numb, bewildered, stunned and unable to think. It takes everything just to function. You go through the motions like a robot and feel as if you are an observer watching this happen to someone else.

Sobbing/Crying: Sobbing means to weep aloud with short, gasping breaths. Sobbing is an outlet for the deep strong emotions that accompany the death of a loved one. Some people cry often and cry a lot. Others push down their tears, but this may lead to psychologi­cal or physical problems. It is helpful to cry to release all that pent-up emotion. Cry alone or with others - but take time to cry. The book WHEN GOING TO PIECES HOLDS YOU TOGETHER, says it very well. The advice ‘don’t cry” is ill advised. Accept the grief - don’t try to be brave and fight it. At first, you need to take time to grieve daily. Looking at pictures/mementos, playing special music, may aid in releasing pent-up tears. Men can and should cry. Crying is a good model for children. When adults cry, children learn that it is “okay” to cry and to express their feelings. Children learn to share their feelings instead of suppressing them and struggling alone.

Physical Symptoms: You may experience some of the following: lack or increase of appetite; sleeplessness or oversleeping; knot or emptiness in pit of stomach; tightness in throat; shaky legs; headaches; stomach aches; sighing to get your breath; trembling; chills; fatigue; chest pains; general achiness; difficulty swallowing and/or speaking; digestive disorders (indigestion, nausea, diarrhea); feeling weak or faint; tension; slower in speech or move­ment; temporary paralysis of limb or sight. It helps to understand some of these symptoms may be a part of grief and emerge any time. It is advisable to have a physical checkup to make sure that there is not another cause for your physical ailments. Take care of yourself by establishing a simple routine (good nutrition, adequate rest and time for relaxation). Exercise aids sleep and may lighten depression.

Denial: The phone will ring, the door opens, or you will see someone, and at first you think that it is your loved one. You may subconsciously be searching for your loved one when out in a crowd. It takes time to believe what happened. Even though you know the fact of death, you continue not to really believe it. Many habits continue, such as setting the table for the same number, expecting your loved one to come home at the regular time, buying his/her favorite food, watching a TV program and saying: “I’ve got to tell him/her what happened.” This shows our unconscious denial of death. Denial provides a buffer zone from the reality of what has happened.

Why?: Often we keep asking “WHY?” “Why did he/she have to die?” We don’t necessarily expect an answer, but the question “WHY” seems to need to be asked repeatedly in an effort to make sense of the loss. The question may be unanswered, but it is important to ask the question until we can take the step of letting the question go. Rabbi Kushner states in his book WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE that often the “why” is not a question, but a cry of pain.

Repetition: You may find that you are saying almost the same things to the same people. The same thoughts keep running through your head. In saying the words and hearing our­selves over and over again, it helps us to believe what has happened. It is important to find friends who will listen, especially someone who has experienced a similar sorrow.

Reality of Death: it’s true.” “It really happened.” This is a frightening time. We feel that we are getting worse. Often this happens after people who have been so helpful have re­turned to their own busy lives. It seems as if we are going backwards. Actually, this reality has to “hit.” The best advice is to “lean into the pain.” As much as we don’t want to hurt, we must.

Confusion: “I can’t think.” “I forget what I am saying halfway through a sentence” The simplest decisions seem impossible. It is difficult to concentrate and follow through on things. You feel disorganized and error-prone. Bereaved often feet impatient and want to do some­thing, but feel unclear as to what to do, Sometimes motivation to do something may be very low and basic survival needs may not even be met. Confusion abounds because you are using all your emotional energy to grieve and there is very little left over for anything else. The weariness due to grief may affect thinking and concentration.

Idealization: At first, you may only focus on the best qualities - seeing your loved one as perfect. It is a very normal reaction, but it is important to be aware of others in the family. They may compare themselves to the “perfect” loved one and feel that they are not as loved - that it would be better if they had died instead.

Identification: Many people seek to identify with their loved one who has died by wear­ing their clothes, taking up a sport they liked, planning to follow in their footsteps, etc. It is a way of “staying close.”

Anxiety/Panic: (Fear of “Going Crazy”): At first you may fear being alone. You worry about the future and may be afraid that something else will happen to another loved one. You often panic at the approach of special dates (birthday, holidays, anniversary of the death). Usually they are not as difficult as the days prior to the special days. This is due to our unbelievable panic and apprehension. You may feel as if you are "GOING CRAZY.” It may seem as if you are losing control of yourself. Usually we don’t tell anyone that we think we are “going crazy.” Sometimes bereaved have thoughts of suicide as the only way to escape the physical and emotional pain. We panic at the prospect of “always feeling like this". We feel that we should be doing better and panic when we don’t. Our situation may seem hopeless and our thinking becomes jumbled. Panic is normal. If panic seems intolerable, you need to do something about it. Talking about our feelings, getting busy with something, sobbing, scream­ing, exercise - all may help to release the "panicky” feelings. Emotional and physical fatigue contribute to our panic. Good nutrition and rest are vital.

Bargaining: You want “things to be as they were.” You may hope that just wishing will bring back the person. You may try to bargain with God that “things will be different;” that you will try to be a better person if only the loved one can be alive again.

Depression: It is a feeling of being in the “pits.” You hurt so much. Sometimes you just don’t care about anything. You just sit. Mornings are terrible. So is the time and the day of the week that your loved one died. It’s an effort just to get out of bed, to shop, or fix a simple meal. Talk things over with a friend who cares and will listen. This helps a person to avoid becoming seriously depressed. Talking to others in a support group of bereaved people who know what you are going through also helps a great deal.

Severe Depression: It is a feeling of deep, overwhelming sadness and hopelessness that lasts for longer than two weeks. Other symptoms may be: loss of appetite; insomnia; inability to enjoy anything; anxious or restless behavior; apathy; preoccupation with thoughts of suicide; wishing to be dead; loss of interest in sex; difficulty in concentration and making decisions; poor memory; irritability; feelings of worthlessness; inability to cry even if one desperately needs and wants to; intense guilt and withdrawal from relatives and friends. It is important for bereaved people not to become alarmed, because everyone experiences some or all. of these symptoms at some time. If six or more of these symptoms are severe and continue over an extended period of time (so that pain and problems outweigh pleasure much of the time), then it would be advisable to get professional help.

Relief (Laughter): This phase comes and goes. Often after the reality “hits,” or after a particularly troublesome time, you feel better and may even think that the difficult times are over. There is a sense of great relief at no longer feeling down. Appreciate the relief. . .the grief will return soon enough. It is helpful to recall the fun times. Wholesome fun and laughter are beneficial. It is not being disloyal to our loved one to enjoy life. In fact, plan things to which you can look forward. Having a sense of humor is often mentioned by bereaved as being helpful.

Expectations: We often expect too much of ourselves. We want to handle the grief better and more quickly than is humanly possible. Submerging our feelings is very detrimental be­cause we still have to face these feelings eventually. The expectations of others, “You must be over your grief by now,” only add to our burden. Often we will expect that after the holidays, or after some special day, we will feel ‘1much better.” This kind of expectation only hinders the grief process. It is more helpful not to have a timetable of how we should feel, or when we will get better. Taking one day at a time, or half a day, or one hour at a time is more realistic.

Lowered Self-Esteem: A bereaved person’s confidence is often undermined. In a study on self-esteem using a scale of 100, it was found that an average person’s self-esteem was in the 70’s and generally a bereaved person’s was in the teens. Understanding the impact of grief on your self-esteem may help you find ways of coping.

Preoccupation: Your loved, one who has died may be in your thoughts constantly. You may think of nothing but the loss. You may even dream of your loved one, or be preoccupied with his/her image. Even at work, church, doing the dishes — in fact, no matter what you are doing — you may find that part of your thoughts are always about your loved one. The intensity of this preoccupation usually lessens with time.

Guilt: Many people are tortured by “if onlys,” and “what ifs.” “If only I had called;” “If only we hadn’t let him/her take the car that night;” or “If only I had taken time to listen and visit.” We tend to blame ourselves for something we did or didn’t do that may have contributed to the death, or for things that we wish we had done for our loved one. Feelings of guilt are normal, though often not realistic. It is best not to push down the guilt. Talk about it until you can let it go. Hopefully, in time, you will realize that you did the best you could under the circum­stances. None of us are perfect. The past is behind us. All we can do with guilt is to learn from it for the other people in our lives. When the death is by suicide, it is especially important to remember we can’t control the behavior of another person.

Anger:: Anger may be directed at ourselves; others (including family members, spouse, doctors, nurses, person who caused accident); the person who died; God; or we may experience a general irritability. We may feel angry toward people who push us to accept our loss too soon, or who pretend that nothing happened. Anger is normal. Pushing down anger is harmful and may cause things like ulcers, high blood pressure, or depression. Unacknowledged anger may be directed at innocent people and unrelated events. It will come out one way or another. It is often difficult to admit being angry. Erroneously we may think, “nice people don’t get angry.” It is important to recognize our anger. It is helpful to find ways to express our anger, such as screaming in a private place, walking, swimming, aerobic classes, keeping a journal, tennis, golf- even installing a punching bag in our home. Talking about our anger also helps us to define, understand, and learn how to handle it. To suppress anger can lead to deeper than normal depression and bitterness. It is important to acknowledge our anger and to take steps to handle it.

Loneliness: After the initial help, relatives’ and friends’ lives return to normal and we are often left to deal with our grief alone. Co-workers, friends, neighbors and sometimes even family may avoid us or change the subject. Some friends withdraw, because they are hurting, and do not know how to help us. We often become isolated in our grief. The widowed often say, “I not only lost my spouse, but my friends as well.” In reality, few people are able to help or to understand. Support groups can be helpful. Some aspects of grief cannot be totally shared, even in the same family. It is difficult for husbands and wives to help each other. As Harriett Schiff, author of THE BEREAVED PARENT, states: “It is difficult to lean on someone who is already doubled over in pain.” Especially at first when we are hurting so much, we realize that we are not much fun for others to be around. When others have all their loved ones alive, it makes us feel even lonelier. We may feel intense loneliness due to the absence of our loved one, because we are unable to share thoughts and feelings, to touch, to be understood. We feel empty without our loved one.

Despair: “How can I go on?” You may come to the point where the agony seems intoler­able. You can’t bear it - you think that you won’t be able to survive. Your hopes and dreams are dashed. It may seem as if there would be little difference if you lived or died. You may have suicidal thoughts. Feelings of desperation, despondency, pessimism and loss of all hope seem to surround you. If you are a smoker you may smoke more than ever’ due to nervousness, or to an attitude that you don’t care if you ever take care of yourself again. Sometimes it is blackest before the burden of grief begins to lift Talk to someone who has made it through grief.

Sadness: We miss our loved one and feel deprived of his/her presence. We may feel unhappy, inconsolable, distressed, sorrowful, dejected and heartbroken. These feelings seem to pervade our life.

Helplessness: “What am I going to do?” We feel helpless about our feelings --- our grief. It seems as if we are unable to help ourselves to cope, or to get better. We do not seem to be capable of aiding other family members. We may feel self-pity. Although we realize that we had no control over what happened, we feel a sense of powerlessness at not being able to prevent it.

Envy: You may feel jealous of people who still have their loved ones to enjoy. With a child's death, dreams for their future are gone. This pertains to college, job, wedding, grandchildren - things you would have shared together. When a spouse dies, you envy others watching their children and grandchildren grow up and enjoying retirement together.

Frustration: Many frustrations are a part of our grief. “Why am I feeling so upset for so long?” We become disappointed with ourselves that we are not coping as well as we think we should. So many impulses, thoughts, feelings and actions that had become habits are stopped in midcourse. We are left with these unfulfilled emotions, desires and thoughts buzzing about in our heads or sitting in our stomachs.

Resentment/Bitterness/Hatred: Bereaved people often feel resentful about the death and their changed circumstances. Sometimes there is a (sub)conscious hostility toward others whose families are still intact. Some bereaved feel hatred toward those responsible for the death. These bitter feelings should be recognized and worked on, or the bitterness could last for many years. Hatred and bitterness drain you of energy and may be destructive to your health and relationships. When these feelings are left unattended, healing becomes blocked.

Limbo: Eventually we may reach an in-between point between the reality of death and the point where life seems worthwhile again. We may feel a little better at last, but be uncertain of what to do next. It may take much longer than we would like before our zest for living returns. We often live behind a facade - masking our feelings and saying that "we are fine."

Hope Emerges: You realize that your grief is softening. At first the pain was with you constantly. Now the pain of grief is briefer and comes less frequently. The good days out­balance the bad days. You feel encouraged that you will get better. Things like shopping (which had been so painful before), painting the living room, looking forward to events, etc., all become a part of your life again. Once again you are effective at work and home, able to make decisions and handle problems. Generally you are able to sleep and eat as you did before. You are able to care about others. You begin to realize that you are moving forward and can once again enjoy life. You smile and laugh again and are rewarded with the smiles of family, friends and strangers.

Missing: You will always miss your loved one. Special family events, such as holidays, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, even a song or a special TV program, will trigger the feeing of longing for your loved one. Seeing other families enjoying special events “that might have been for you” also deepens your feeling of yearning. You can’t help but wish your loved one were alive. You miss countless things that were special about your relationship ..a hug, a kiss, a smile, a phone call, or hearing them say “I Love You,” or “Thank You.” For some people, when there was a special relationship, the missing can be more acute. If relatives live out of town, they may find coming home for a visit especially difficult. Their feelings of miss­ing, anger, guilt, etc., may be intensified. The reality of the death is more believable at home where their loved one is undeniably missing.

Struggle with New Life Patterns: You realize that you have a choice. You can rebuild a new life. It will be different without your loved one, but life can be enjoyed again. It is important to seek meaning in living. Learn how to make happiness happen in your life. It is estimated that over 70% of marriages where a child has died become endangered and end in separation or divorce. It is important to be aware of such statistics and to renew the marriage. You need to reinvest in work, activities and friends. New friends can be found among other bereaved. You may find it necessary or helpful to move, find a job, do volunteer work, join a support group, etc. Be open to renewing familiar patterns and friendships, but be ready to try new ways of living.

Life is Worth Living: Eventually we are able to think and talk about our loved one with happiness and a sense of peace. We have learned to accept the death and can see options and possibilities for the future. We may experience renewed meaning in life. There is the possibility of emotional, spiritual and personal growth. Often we become a different person stronger, more involved, wiser, more compassionate, concerned, understanding and aware. Our loved ones have entered a beautiful new life without pain and problems. We will be together someday. Meanwhile, they would want us to live, love and appreciate this life and the people in our life to the fullest.

Pride: This feeling was not listed on the original graph and yet, for many of us, it greatly affected how we handled our grief. It is placed in the middle of the graph to show how it can negatively color so many other experiences of grief. For many of us, we are too “proud” to ask for or accept help. When asked how we are feeling we say “fine” when in reality we are falling apart inside. We are apt to think “I can do it by myself,” not realizing how unprepared we are for the death of a loved one. Sharing such deep grief does help us to cope and understand. The word “proud” means to hold one’s self high, to turn one’s head. Bereaved so often do this to overcompensate for how really low they feel. We are stubborn about letting anyone know how we feel. This makes it difficult for others to give us the help we so desperately need. We should consider if our grief is being complicated by our PRIDE, and if so work on ourselves to ask for and accept help.

Why Join A Support Group? By Coralease Ruff

Some people are reluctant and others may question why they should join a support group. A support group is a group of people with common interests, experiences and/or concerns who meet together regularly. Experienced facilitators are carefully chosen to guide, support, educate, facilitate and lead the group meetings. Support groups operate on the self-help principle, ensuring that all participants benefit from group sessions. They learn to share, survive, grow and thrive together.

Various organizations and institutions provide support groups to individuals and families for many different purposes, including specific illnesses, shared concerns and common goals. These groups operate on confidentiality and privacy principles protecting the safety of personal information. One such organization is TCF (The Compassionate Friends).
I began attending TCF in Arlington, Virginia, in 1997, one month after the tragic death of my twenty-one-year-old daughter, Kandy, in a car accident. Her death occurred in the Dominican Republic, where she had traveled two months previously, to fulfill her commitment to spend one year as a Christian missionary in a developing, Spanish-speaking country.

In the early months and years of my grief, I attended two group meetings in the same month because the group was so beneficial to me. I found the peer support to be a helpful tool in my recovery as I struggled along my grief journey. For me the sudden death of my only daughter was surreal, so I had the opportunity to tell my story repeatedly, making it more real. Sharing the pain really seemed to help diminish it.

The group also served as a sounding board. I could always find someone to listen to my concerns and my questions about "why," both in person and on the telephone. We were not required to speak but we could just listen until we felt more comfortable in the group. However, at my first meeting, I was eager to tell my story, which was drowned out by my uncontrollable sobbing.

The companionship I experienced in the group kept me from feeling isolated and alone. In the beginning, I actually felt as if I were the only person whose child died. It was so comforting to hear others comment on experiencing some of the same painful feelings I was experiencing. When one mother stated she was having difficulty bringing her daughter's face into her mind's eye, I related quickly because I had that same experience. I was fearful that I was forgetting her after just a year and a half.

The group gave me the opportunity to express my feelings of anger without fear of judgment and without raised eyebrows staring back at me. Additionally, I learned that my memory loss and confusion were a normal part of the grief process and would eventfully subside. Normalizing the feelings of loss and grief is another benefit of a support group, as well as providing a reality check.

When my family and friends grew weary of hearing my expressions of sadness and despair, I could count on group members always being there to listen, discuss difficult topics and wipe away the tears. I did not have to struggle alone. In the early months and years of my grief, I never had to encounter anyone who told me, "It is time to put that behind you," or "You need to get on with your life." The group participants had learned that there is no template and no timeframe for grief.

Group participation provided access to important information about valuable resources such as grief books and magazines, web-based resources, seminars and the national conference. The chapter's lending library was also a wonderful source of grief materials that fed my hunger for anything that might ease my pain. Surprisingly, group members often had answers that I needed just when I needed them.

Additionally, the social enhancement of a support group allows attendees to connect with one another. We maintained contact through our monthly newsletters, telephone friends, internet forum and mailing lists. We often formed lasting relationships, so that when one was absent another would inquire and follow-up to be sure the person was not ill. There were also opportunities for getting together outside of meetings such as an occasional cookout. Some of these became long-lasting relationships.

In some instances, support groups provide rituals and activities to acknowledge remembrance and other special days. The birthday table was especially meaningful for me as I had a chance to share my daughter's photo and her favorite food for her May birthday. These activities did not take the sorrow away, but they surely helped to soften the hurt.

Support groups provided hope and encouragement for me and reassured me that I would get better. Group leaders and veteran grievers provided listening ears and became role models as they adjusted to living with their own losses. This is concrete evidence that it can happen. After observing the chapter leader who had lost her only daughter, I was convinced that I could learn to live again.

To my surprise, support group sessions are not always sad and gloomy places. Invariably group members do learn to laugh again. In fact, it felt strange when I first chuckled.

As a word of caution, I heard that some people feel worse after their first meeting, than they did before they came. This can happen because the discussion often stirs hidden or pushed-back feelings. However, in order to determine if the support group would meet our needs, we were encouraged to try it at least three times. It never occurred to me to stop going, because TCF was a lifeline for me. I also found that each group meeting had a somewhat different dynamic depending on the group members who were present.

Just as this support group was a lifeline for me, I felt it was necessary to reach out to help the newly bereaved who were joining the group. After some distance from my loss and a reasonable amount of healing, I began facilitating a small group. Later, I went on to become a chapter officer and established a new chapter of this wonderful support organization. Working with other bereaved parents helps me to continue my healing journey.

Support groups provide many and varied benefits, including mutual support, understanding and acceptance, a sounding board, non-judgmental listening, an information source, validation of feelings, and role modeling. Compassionate Friends has provided all of these benefits, and more, for me.

"Thank you for reaching out to the bereaved!"

Need more help?
If you are a bereaved person or
someone wanting to help a bereaved person,
we can help.
For more information,
contact Peter or Deb at 1-978-343-4009,
Help@BereavementAwareness.com.
You can also write to us at Peter and Deb Kulkkula,
381 Billings Road, Fitchburg, MA 01420-1407.
If we can't help you, we'll connect you with someone who can.

Bereavement Spokesperson Deb Kulkkula
Bereaved Parent, Inspirational Writer and Speaker and
Bereavement Spokesperson Peter Kulkkula
Bereaved Parent, Bereaved Sibling, American Adventurer

Although we have no bereavement degrees, we have lost two children,
my husband lost his brother, and my sister, mother, and neice lost their husbands.
We worked with and led our local chapter of
The Compassionate Friends (for bereaved parents and their families)
for many years after the organization helped us.
I edited newsletters, wrote articles,
and was the education chair of the 2005 Annual TCF Conference.
We are very grateful to The Compassionate Friends.

At the same time, Deb lead a group of writers.
They first wrote a brochure entitled
"Reaching Out to Help the Bereaved"
Lovingly Written by
Jane K. Andrews - in loving memory of Peter John Kulkkula,
Bonny Caisse - in loving memory of Jared James Caisse,
Anne M. Dionne - in loving memory of Michael S. Dionne,
Deborah L. Kulkkula -in loving memory of Peter John Kulkkula,
Jane Maki - in loving memory of Christopher L. Maki.
Lovingly Designed and Compiled by
Deborah L. Kulkkula - in loving memory of Peter John Kulkkula.
Lovingly Created Artwork in the hard copy by
Kelly A. Dionne - in loving memory of Michael S. Dionne
We appreciate your loving attention to this brochure.

Then, co-wrote a book entitled
Every Step of the Way: How four mothers coped with child loss
with Yvonne Lancaster, Anne Dionne, Jane Maki.
Thank you: Yvonne, Anne, and Jane.

We are both dedicated to helping the bereaved.
Since 2008, we have been sponsoring bereavement months
to show the general public how to reach out and help the bereaved,
support the newly bereaved,
and to connect the newly bereaved with a helpful organization.

Site designed by Deb Kulkkula
Donated by Rising Star Speakers and Peter and Deb Kulkkula
In loving memory of
Peter John Kulkkula, Quy Dan Ha Vo,
David Lydon, Harold & Lida LeBouf, Elma & Ansu Kulkkula,
Ethel Wotton, Greta Junka, Lida Bliss, George Koski,
Ellen and Walter Till, Robert and Priscilla Wotton, Irene and Francis LeBouf
Donold LeBouf, Richard LeBouf, Robert Dodge and Denis Bergeron
© 2008, Revised Annually
by Rising Star Publishing
All Rights Reserved®

For more information,contact
Deborah Kulkkula, Ph. D.
381 Billings Road, Fitchburg, MA 01420-1407.
Help@BereavementAwareness.com
or at 1-978-343-4009.